Even when we decide there is a certain goal we would like to achieve our mind creates obstacles against that goal. It makes excuses why that goal isn’t viable or realistic, it tells us that we aren’t capable of it! And those obstacles keep us from trying for our goal.
This is our minds way to defend us from potential pain. The problem is that if you do not take the risk of pain then it is very unlikely you’ll ever achieve anything worth achieving.
I’ve battle with these feelings personally most of my life, and never really found a way to overcome them, but recently something clicked.
There were always two things that my mind told me I couldn’t do. Firstly I didn’t feel I would ever have a partner to share my life with, I felt that I didn’t deserve it, that I wasn’t good enough for it. Some of that feeling came from being the cast out nerd growing up but the other part was linked to prior bad relationships experiences. Secondly I didn’t believe I had what it takes to becomes a successful creative, having work in science growing up and only having changed to art later in life I always felt that I was two steps behind everyone else.
In recent times things seamed to have changed for me. I have now shared my life with the same wonderful man for over a year and his constant affirmations on how much he likes to be with me finally seamed to have left a mark. In the art and design side of things I have recently joined a group of local artists and the support and appreciation that they have shown makes me feel like maybe there is a place for me in the creative industry.
But it goes deeper than what other people think of me. In the past when people complimented me I would smile and thank them but dismiss it as pity or kindness. Now I see it for what it is! For the first time in many years I can see why people compliment me. And the combination between seeing what I do well and understanding where I need to improve, helps me understand that not only am I good at something and worth the time but also see myself truthfully, love who I am and improve on it.
To be able to truly understand myself has been a blessing that has allowed me to deal better with adverse situations and also take on new challenges.
Having gone trough the process from self loading to self respect I would like to share with you two advices.
Listen to the people that say good things about you and take those comments just as seriously as you would take criticism.
Try to understand why people are complimenting you and enjoy it!
Take constructive criticism as a form of love. Most people do it because they want to see you strive.
Try to understand why people are critiquing you and find out how you can improve on those aspects.
And always remember that there is also good in you!